Monday night, after he was moved to rehab and just hours after I wrote my last blog post, Dad got out of his hospital bed without any of his nurses knowing (there is an alarm on his bed that was supposed to be turned on and wasn't), and he fell and hit his HEAD, yes, the same head that was operated on just 2 weeks prior, that left a large gash over his left eye. He was sent back over to Baylor for a ct scan which determined he did not receive further injury from the fall, THANK GOD.
I am having a very, very tough time. I know so many mean so well by pointing out the positives of the situation to me. What it boils down to for me is that I was prepared for Dad to be in a 6-7 hour surgery and to be home by now, back to his old self, and what I have is a 53 year old father who is trapped inside a body that will not work for him. He is in a rehab center with 80 year old patients who can speak and walk better than he can. He is frustrated, he can't stop coughing, he can't get his damn spoon in his mouth, and he is scared. I know that people mean well when pointing out the positives in the situation to me, but it makes me feel defensive and upset, and I just can't deal with that right now. I know that someday, I will have the perspective that I need, but right now, I am pretty miserable and scared. And that is ok. I am not going to die from being upset and miserable. It's a tough, tough road, but what choice do I have? I am in the grieving process, grieving the change in my Dad, not putting together in my head that this is the same man I want to call and console me about the situation.
That being said, I have decided to stop updating on facebook, twitter, and this blog, and started a "caring bridge" website so that others can help me out with updating and can field comments and well-meaning messages. Also, this site has a "guest book" that you can sign that hopefully he can read later.
So if you were here to read about my Dad, please visit http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/bobdevine , and you can sign up for the email updates if you wish to stay on top of things.
Also, if you were someone giving me the positives, please do not be offended or hurt...I DO know the intent was pure of heart and meant in the best possible way. Many people my age have never been through this, and it's hard to know what to say, I know I would NEVER have. I just have to minimize the amount of stress I'm under and this is something that was stressing me out. That's just my personality.
Thank you all so much again for caring so much about my Dad. I will have more photography related posts very soon. I will leave this post with a few pictures of my girls. My Dad, the night before his surgery, was very entertained by my middle daughter's hula hooping skills (seriously, she's awesome!) and so I took these pictures of her to give to him in the hospital.
The sisters (Mikey was at basketball practice)
Nominated for best family photographer in Dallas, TX. Vote now!
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1 comment:
Okay, not having your Dad the way he was only a few weeks ago is hell. I remember Mom calling me with those words that Dad was in the ER and then I thought no big deal, ER is no big deal. Except that after that day Dad was not the same. This is hard especially when he is the one you call to bounce stuff off of our to seek comfort in crazy every day life. I know all to well exactly what you are going through. There are friends and family members to talk to but then there is Dad and no one really takes his place. You are going through many different emotions right now. Remember how I said you should cut yourself some slack, gee, are you? I don't really know what to say except that you will find the ways that work best for you to get through this really tough spot for your family. And although your dad is frustrated and not himself....he will still see your love in these situations. Maybe you could start your own journal of thoughts and questions for him including pictures to share with him of the day. Sending huge hugs and love from someonone who has been where you are. I love your work and pictures you took of your kids. I just wish me could afford me some pictures of me very own (smile). Maybe, someday (sigh). Do you come to Colleyville for pics?
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