Saturday, the cliff notes.

10/15/09 at 1:16am
-Alert this morning and smiling big at stories about the grandkids and his delirious children walking to starbucks in the rain. smiled at the fact that we rented 3Amigos and The Jerk for him to watch. Shook his head yes when asked if his brother in law could visit. Also shook his head yes to listen to the Ticket (but not yet)

-Took pictures of him. Aside from letting me step away from the situation for a minute to be a documentarian, I want to have them to show him someday how far he has come.

-Dr checked him mid-day, so impressed with his progress that he decided to go ahead and extubate today instead of Monday.

-The extubation was really, really hard on him. Although I am sure he is more comfortable, it is taking all his strength to move his lungs on his own again. He was very agitated and uncomfortable. Because of the brain surgery, they cannot give him any pain meds or sleeping aides. Only Tylenol.

I feel so helpless. I am fine most of the day then by nighttime get to a point of not being able to take it anymore. I know he's coming back but i feel like I've lost my dad. Can't wrap my head around the mental image from just Tuesday morning, to now. Can't believe that is the same man. By the end of the day I am so emotionally exhausted that I have uncontrollable shaking. Luckily my brother is being the strong one of the two of us. He refuses to leave Dad's side and is spending the night with him tonight. Dad kept looking at me tonight like he wanted to tell me something. I couldn't figure it out. He still can't talk yet because he is so tired and his throat is sore from the intubation. This is so exhausting. Just love my Dad so much and want him to be ok.

It's like his progress is one step closer to normal, but then at some point during the day it kicks me in the face how far away from normal we actually are, when he was never sick before the surgery to begin with.

Not making any sense. Going to bed.