Friday, March 20, 2009

What We Need

Someone asked in a comment earlier what specifically they could pray for.

It's a great night to ask that question. Just when I think we're on an upswing, things get bad again. (thus the rollercoaster metaphor)

Dad is really alert now and really aware of his limitations. If you know him, you know he is a gentle man who never loses his temper and always has a smile on his face.

He DOES continue to improve physically. I can understand everything he says now, and he was putting his glasses on and off on his own. His movements become more coordinated and less jerky everyday. He is ready to move to the rehab center.

However, the insurance company has not approved this move. Because they did not approve it by the end of the day today (Friday), he will have to be in ICU for the weekend. What does this mean for him???

It means sleepless nights because nurses in ICU come in every 30 minutes. It means tons of uncomfortable wires and monitors (he rips out his IV twice a day). It means listening to the sickest of the sick cry and cough and moan across the hall, all the time. It means not being able to hug and kiss his grandkids, only waving at them through the window. It means crappy food. It means his wife sleeping in a chair for almost two weeks now. It means no social worker or staff psychologist to come and talk to us or to him about the emotions he is going through. It means no moving from the bed he is in to stretch his atrophied muscles. THIS. IS. AWFUL.

I am so angry for my father. I have very rarely seen him upset, but I can only imagine how he is feeling and I understand his emotions. He just wants to be able to wear his pants for crying out loud. He is convinced that he will never be normal again. I just want the idiots who are holding up the insurance to come into my father's room for 20 minutes, and watch him beg and plead to just go home. To explain to him why his body isn't doing what his brain tells it to. To watch him toss and turn and try to sleep for longer than 15 minutes at a time. I love my father, and this is torture on me, my brother, his wife, and all who love him. I honestly can't imagine anything worse than watching him suffer like this. It is quite literally my worst nightmare.

Pray for the insurance company to do the right thing, and QUICKLY. Pray for Dad and his sleep, state of mind, and his healing body. For my brother, who is seriously at the end of his rope. For me, as I am a completely useless mother to my children right now, as well as a useless daughter.


Anonymous said...

Dear Deanna,

You are so not useless, to your kids or to your family. You care and you are there for them the best that you can be right now. Cut yourself some slack. Your Dad is not your complete Dad right now and trust me from someone who has been there that alone is enough to stop us in our tracks. You are tired and pulled in a million different directions. And being pulled in a million different directions is HARD. God will see you through. For now, we will continue to pray for your family and your father. Your kids although they might not let it be pubicly known will understand that you cannot be the mom that you were before you father went into surgery. They are smart beyond their years. Many, many huge hugs and thanks for the update! Signed, a tired Mom from Colleyville

Devine Memories Photography said...

Hi Anonymous,
That is seriously one of the most helpful things anyone has said...thank you.